Happy New Year. Here we are; 2020 is over. That's worth celebrating, right? This past week has been overwhelming and we had to call an ambulance, yet again. My anxiety makes my heart feel like it's going to explode. The paramedics hooked me up to a heart monitor and told me that my heart rate is high, but not at critical levels. I now have a heart monitor placed on my chest for the next 14 days to monitor my anxiety and panic attacks. I've been getting lightheaded and nauseous and according to my doctor, this is all anxiety related. With my age I was worried it could be angina, and with both of my parents having heart issues and my grandmother dying of a heart-related issue, it does scare me. What annoys me the most is people that don't understand, tell me things to try. Like I haven't already tried them. I know they are just trying to help, but it gets annoying. Like, "What you need is a coloring book." A coloring book isn't going to help with past child abuse issues, PTSD, and trauma-related thoughts. Sure it helps calm the nerves, but when they are overwhelming, you need more than crayons. I've been placed on Lorazepam for when it's overwhelming and that's been taking the edge off. I've been in therapy, too. It's going well so far and hopefully, over time it helps. -sans coloring book. Here are five things this week.
1. This Pouch.
I got this little pouch for Christmas this year and I love it. One, it reminds me of Meia and two, it's perfect for a coin pouch, or lipstick pouch. I noticed it a few weeks before Christmas at our local food co-op and I was so thrilled that Jeff and Skylar got it for me.
We drove around looking at the Christmas lights this past week. Since the pandemic I feel people went all out this year on their lights. There were quite a lot of good displays around the cities.
4. These Moments.
After lots of testing and being placed on a heart monitor overnight, I was sent home with a heart monitor to keep track of anxiety spikes. All of it is just overwhelming. One thing that made me feel better was Skylar facetiming with me and putting Eleven on the screen. That kitty is attached to me and she was meowing looking for me through the house. She saw me on the screen and started licking it. Skylar is awesome and I am truly loved and it helps a great deal with my trauma issues knowing this.
5. This Test.
Just for fun we thought we take these drug tests. We found these at the local dollar store and wondered if they actually worked. Jeff and Skylar were negative, but mine showed two lines as well we I definitely have THC in my system. So, our conclusion is, we don't know if they work for being positive, but they definitely work for coming up negative.
Did you get a glimpse of the Cold Moon on December 30?
Positive affirmations this week: Reframe the way you think of things in your mind. My therapist recently told me to record a new message on the tape recorder that plays over and over in my head. So, instead of saying, "What if this happens," or "What if that happens," change it to "Since I always take precautions, it should be okay," or "Since I've done my best, there's nothing that will happen." It takes some time to change, but it does help with worrisome and anxious feelings. A lot of the things that play in my head are statements from my past. Statements from others that I'm not good enough and never will be, I'm ugly, I'm not enough, I'm not smart, I'm a failure, and I was even told by someone that they hate me. Unfortunately, a lot of these statements came from family and people that I should have trusted. I've come along way in the last couple of years by reversing that tape that plays with those statements. I've changed those statements to, I am good enough to the right people, I am beautiful, I am smart because I do things like X or Y better than most, I may fail, but I always get to try again, and lastly, being hated is an issue with that person and not me. Simple changes of these statements really are a great benefit to your mental health. Hopefully, this helps you, too.
Have a nice weekend.
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Life at a "Swell's" pace is a lifestyle and travel blog chronicling the life and travels while living in Oregon's beautiful Willamette Valley. It is mostly written by Shelly HW. Click the image to learn more»
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No comments:
Post a Comment
Thank you so much for commenting. I will read over your comment before publishing to make sure your comment aligns with the safety and positive environment I try to keep at this space. If you have further questions, please reach out to me at (mcwilkerson1977@yahoo.com). Thank you for understanding. While you wait, please check out the rest of my blog for content that may interest you. There's a lot of great things here and I look forward to connecting with you.